What do I do If I Lose my Job?

by Lynette Ross, MFT

In the last few years we have seen an upsurge of workers facing job loss and college students facing lower job prospects. From the long-term worker just days from qualifying for retirement, to the young single mom just trying to make ends meet, the amount of chaos that can enter a home with a job loss should not be taken lightly. Not everyone views this transition the same, however. For some, it is a new day dawning and for others, the seeming end of life itself. When life unexpectedly takes a turn there are some helpful hints that can make a big difference.

First of all don’t underestimate the effect a transition like this can have on a person, family, and marriage relationship. Jobs provide a sense of security with health coverage, benefits, retirement, and for some, a sense of family and community. It can be devastating for some to go through a job transition. Initial reactions can range in intensity and may include physical, emotional, spiritual and behavioral aspects.

Normal responses to stressful situations can include increased heart rates, nausea, change in sleep and eating habits, headaches, dizziness, stomach upset, shallow or rapid breathing, increased blood pressure, fatigue, panic attacks and other reactions. Preexisting medical conditions can be aggravated as well.

Emotionally, it is normal for someone to experience denial, shock, fear, anger, guilt, frustration, loneliness, feelings of vulnerability, depression, lack of motivation and so forth. It can be and often is a very real grieving process.

Due to the heightened stress response the body and brain shut down to recover (so to speak) so mental and physical fatigue is common, as well as confusion, difficulty with concentration and lessened mental clarity.

Spiritually, it is both a crisis point and an opportunity for faith building. The spiritual effects that one might experience can vary greatly. For some, they may feel abandoned by God. These feelings are normal and should not be judged. Just try to remind yourself that feelings are not facts. When the need is great, the opportunity is great for God to move in one’s life.

As a result, many may respond by withdrawing or becoming clingy. Some may display irritability, cry or have a decrease in energy, motivation and ambition. Some may experience marital or relationship conflict as a result of the internal tension and situational stress. Be aware that domestic violence tends to increase when the main wage earner loses a job. Some may have a crisis of faith.

It’s common for someone experiencing the loss of a job to feel that the situation has occurred because of some personal rejection or defect. It can feel like a personal failure and when one begins to think in these terms, it is normal for the brain to look for other evidence to support it. This train of thinking can become overwhelming. Try to not personalize the event and continue to move forward. If there are lessons to be learned from past work experiences, look at those honestly, make needed personal adjustments and be kind to yourself in the process.

Use good coping skills. Rely on your healthy relationships and share your feelings with supportive people. Take care of yourself physically by eating healthily, drinking water and exercising, even going for a walk can help. Avoid medications, alcohol, fatty and sugary foods and caffeine. Rest, rest, rest!! By taking care of your body, your body will help you feel better emotionally, recover from the stress easier and you’ll be able to think more clearly.

Get going right away on your goal of finding the next job. Feeling overwhelmed can lead to procrastination and increased anxiety. Even doing a little each day can help stave this off. Begin to dream about your next job. What is it you want to do? What about beginning your own business? Would you be better served to pursue retraining or going back to school? There are many opportunities for government grants and student loans now in this economy. There are also some colleges that are increasingly sensitive and geared to cater to the needs and schedules of working adults and single parents.

Break down your goals in manageable bites.
 Look at your budget and figure out how long you can live on severance, unemployment or savings. You may need to find a job to “pay the bills” first while you make plans to pursue the dream job in your heart.

 Temp! While you are looking for another job or considering retraining, temp! By exploring what is out there you offer yourself opportunities to network with possible employers and try new things. You get to “try them out” as they are “trying you out.”

 Dream big: Now is the best time to consider what you have always wanted to do, consider your dreams and any calling you feel led to pursue. God may be using this very situation to help you fulfill His purpose for you!

 Evaluate your needs: Take career and personality inventories. There are some online or go to a career center. Consider your work style and preferred environment during this time. What have you enjoyed about your previous jobs? What have you disliked? What questions are important to ask in an interview to help you make a good decision about accepting another position? Make a list.

 Prepare your resume. What have you learned in your work that makes you a benefit for your next employer? Have someone help you if you need. This is the piece of paper that represents you and all you have to offer. Do it well, proof it and enlist others to look it over as well. The resume is what gets you in the door for an interview.

 Keep work hours: Be active in your pursuit. Looking for a job is your job now. Get up and “go to work” beginning and ending at regular work hours.

 Learn new skills. Many communities offer computer classes through the Recreation department, YMCA, or through a community college for a low cost. This is the best time to add to your skill base. Read up on interviewing advice, questions, and current trends. Prepare yourself as best you can for that first opportunity to meet face to face with a prospective employer.

 Network with others in your circle. A very small percentage of jobs get landed through newspaper and internet mediums. Figure out where you want to work and solicit a job from them. Also, talk to people in your circles. Places like church, community groups, hairdressers, and the like have a lot of interaction with others in the community. Many are hired through word of mouth.

 Move on. Don’t get trapped by the “coulda, shoulda, woulda”s of the past. Keep going toward your goal even if its just in small steps. Trust God to guide your footsteps and lend increase to your efforts.

 Pray each day as you begin, pray over your resume each time you send it and expect your heavenly Father to bless you with work because He is pleased to give work to those who are willing to work. He cares about your kids more than you do and will provide as you are faithful to do your part.

 As you begin to have contact with prospective employers you will likely encounter rejection. Don’t let this discourage you. Hang in there. You only need one job and if you continue to work at it, you will improve and find success. If you do get passed over for a job, call the interviewer back and respectfully inquire as to the reason and if they have any suggested words for improvement regarding your interviewing skills. This can make a big impression and may not only open another door with that employer but may help you make needed adjustments to your style.

In conclusion, it is essential at a time like this to keep a positive attitude! An optimistic outlook can shield one from depression and help speed the transition process. No one (not you, your family, nor your next employer) will be served by you becoming frozen in negative thinking. Keep moving forward and believe in yourself!